christmas bells are ringing....

It's exactly one week until Christmas. Everywhere you turn there are decorated trees, holiday lights, Santas, and signs wishing everyone a happy holiday season. And yet, I miss Christmas.

One of my earliest memories of Christmas is sitting in the floor of my grandmother's (Nannie) house and opening up presents on Christmas Eve. After eating too much with the ENTIRE family there, we would move on to my other grandparents and then head home where my sister and I would be able to choose ONE present to open before we went to sleep. (My family never really had Santa, I always knew it was my parents...they didn't hide it. This troubles some of my friends, but clearly I've survived.) The next morning, the second my eyes opened, I went to wake up Mom, Dad, and Amy and we would begin the process of handing out the presents and ripping through paper while our adrenaline raced. This was the culmination of weeks of spending more time with my family, carefully planning what everyone needed or wanted most. It was Christmas, one of my favorite times of year.

Now, I'm less than two weeks shy of being 28 and Christmas is something that for the most part, I dread. Now, a few days before Christmas I get on a plane (without my husband) and go home to see my Mom (THE BEST PART). If it were not for her, I am unsure of whether I would actually go back home, but I love her more than life itself and any time that I can spend with her, is worth more than gold to me. Still, I have to leave Derek (my family) behind, it's just too complicated down there. I spend most of my time in AL with Mom, but then I must make the trip to see my Dad and Sister, a trip that gets harder each passing year. And especially hard this year as now everyone knows I'm gay and married. I will see them this year on the 22nd and do Christmas with my Mom/Sister/Niece on the 23rd and then Christmas will be over, even before it technically begins.

I went shopping yesterday to find some things for my Mom and Niece yesterday and wanted to go nuts. All around were people getting upset over sale prices, rushing through lines and generally boiling with impatience. It mad me really sad. I know many people believe the holidays have become more and more commercialized, but it only takes one trip to a mall on the weekend before Christmas to quickly believe they may have something right.

As far as Derek and I are concerned, we almost backed out on giving each other anything this year in an effort to be more fiscally responsible. Thankfully we didn't. And lest I sound present happy, it's not about the presents to me. He could give me a $5 gift card to McDonalds and I would be thrilled. It's just the experience of waking up on our "designated" Christmas morning and sitting by the tree (or trees in our case this year) with our dog and opening gifts so that I can see excitement on his face. He's my husband and I want to give him something he will enjoy.

Other than seeing my wonderful mother and my niece that is exciting to me is being able to see Kate, Tonya, Brady and Marcy and having Christmas/New Years with them. I think there is a theme; I enjoy the pieces that are left if they have to do with children or my Mom. There is an innocence and joy in the kids that reminds me of how it used to be and how much I used to love this time of year. For my Mom, it’s the joy of seeing her children come home and be in the same house, if only for a few hours. I miss my entire family. I hate that my life is so complicated to them that we have built a barrier that I doubt will ever come down. I miss living so far away from my Mom that I have to buy a plane ticket and plan a vacation just to see her. I miss my beloved Nannie and spending Christmas Eve getting to carve her turkey and help her in the kitchen. Most of all, I just miss Christmas.

your daddy's son....

It's really like having a child. I would like nothing else than to go to a bar after I get off work and have a nice drink to relax, but I have to go home and "rescue" my dog who is probably sleeping in the bathroom, but has been alone the entire time I have been at work tonight. Would he be okay if I took a detour on the way home and met a friend for a drink? Yes! Would I have fun and not worry about him constantly? Nope. For all intents and purposes, he is my child, my little boy who I love so incredibly much more than I probably should. From the day I picked him up I have pretty much given my little heart to my dog. Well let's be honest, my husband has my heart, but that little puppy has a pretty good chunk of it too.

Back to my point, the ability to have spontaneity in my life has significantly decreased. Now, I have a living thing to worry about and be responsible for. D can take care of himself so I don't have to do that for him, but for the first time I am responsible for something that lives and breathes. It's a lot of pressure. Take for instance today. It's Saturday, I can finally sleep for as long as I want too. 8:47am, Beau needs to potty so up we go. Luckily when he was finished he agreed to come back to bed and we slept until about 1030am today. As soon as we get up I head upstairs to fix his breakfast so that he can take his medicine. I sit on the couch and decide to finish my Christmas cards, check my email and watch some TV. Can I really do this? Sure, as long as I am able to keep my lap clear, cause that's the only place Beau likes to really sit if I'm on the couch. I decide to watch a movie, but midway through I have to pause it so that I can harness Beau up and take him on a walk for the day. Back from the walk it's time to give him a little lunch and prepare for work. And on it goes...my point is that everything I do now is affected by my dog.

Sometimes I get frustrated and wish I had never pushed so hard to get a puppy. But then two seconds pass and he looks up at me with those puppy eyes and I know for a fact that I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world. And besides, I have vodka, wine, and beer at home....who says I can't have a post drink work tonight? =)

fantasies come true.....

I’ve worked at the Kennedy Center now for about six months. In that time I have gotten to know some pretty amazing colleagues and work on great projects for the Center. But if you had told me a year ago that I would soon be at the Kennedy Center Honors in the physical presence of Ms. Dolly Parton and a host of other celebrities, politicians, and business leaders, and that would be part of my job, I would never have believed you.

Last night was quite possibly one of the most amazing, overwhelmingly wonderful nights I’ve had in a very very long time. To go into detail about who all was here and what they did and what they were wearing would take ages and if you really are interested just ask and I will tell you, but let’s just say it was much more than a small town boy from Alabama could ever imagine.

I feel like a bit of a dork, but it’s hard not to be star struck when one of your top musical talents walks beside you. And hearing more about her life and listening to those who know her best, honor her….made me love her more….she has an amazing heart and deserves all of the accolades that are constantly thrown at her.

P.S. Barbara Walters gets extra make up for TV :)